Archive for July, 2009

My charm dilemma

Posted in my life on July 11, 2009 by tamishields

Today would have been my Dad’s 66th birthday. It has been 5 months since he died. So, I spent part of the day with my sister and Mom picking out fake flowers to replace the last ones we put at the cemetary after his headstone was delivered. It’s not that we go there and think he’s there or anything, it’s more that when he was alive it was very important to him that Mom and I continue to put flowers on his brother and parents’ graves so I think it is a way for me to honor him. In a very small way I feel like I can finally do something for him.

So, my dilemma is this: What charm do I get to put on my bracelet for my Dad?

There are lots of things in daily life that make me think of him. He LOVED to sit on the back deck and watch birds. His favorites were the humming birds that would zip in and out drinking his special homemade concoction. He also like cardinals and always said they were lucky. Mysteriously there has been a cardinal in our backyard at least 3 days a week when I go out on our deck since about February…makes me think of Dad. So I have thought about getting either a hummingbird or a cardinal for my bracelet. But there is another option…

Cookie Monster! Since I was very young, my Dad has called me Cookie Monster. I got my first cavity from eating cookies (two fisted I might add). Every time we talked in person or on the phone at some point he would call me Cookie Monster and I stopped watching Seasame Street long ago! He’s the only one who called me that.  No one else ever has or ever will. 

I wonder if I’m putting off getting the charm cause that puts some semblance of closure on his death and I’m not quite ready to do that yet. Or if maybe, I’m just being my normal undecided self.

One day, I will find the charm that screams “I’m it…buy me!” Until then, I have a charm dilemma but lots of memories to hold me over.

Accountability

Posted in my life on July 10, 2009 by tamishields

porquipinesWhen I married Adam I knew he went on backpacking and outdoor trips with “the boys”. I grew up camping in the North Georgia moutnains so I figured since I had been pop-up camping, I could handle backpacking. No laughing please!

Our first backpacking trip was to the Porcupine Moutains in Michigan- hence, this charm. 

Since that trip we have done others and the annual boys trip has also continued as well. I think they will go on their 15th or so this August. Other than being jealous that he takes off for several days, flies or drives somewhere and leaves me at home…usually to start the school year, I have no problem with the boys trips. I trust most of the guys and think now that they are older, they are getting a little less wreckless- they even reconnected with a friend who is now  doctor and he has joined in the fun! He would have been helpful on some of the other trips :).

We are the only couple that doesn’t have kids so maybe I’m speaking out of turn, but I think it’s really important for these guys to get together away from wives, family, and work stuff to be honest with each other and be a support system. They hold each other accountable.

I have a few friends and of course family who hold me accountable for who I am, and who I say I want to be. Who does that for you?

I do… and other choices we make

Posted in my life on July 8, 2009 by tamishields

weddingAfter knowing Adam for 4 months…yes really, 4 months to the day we MET we got engaged. Then a little over 8 months later we got married. Now, 12 years later I have learned a few things:

1. Loving someone is a good starting point for a marriage.

2. Walking out doesn’t really solve much, it just get’s his attention.

3. There are always days when I know exactly why I married him.

4. There are always days when I have to remind myself that divorce is not an option.

5. No matter what I do or how hard I try, I’m the only person in this marriage that I can change.

I know that sounds simplistic and naive but 12 years later, here I am still married by choice! What advice would you give someone who is engaged or struggling in marriage today?